Most people identify with one place as home; the place they were born, where they grew up and occasionally stayed on into adult life. “Where are you from?” is the standard question that is asked every time we meet someone new in order to place that person into their own societal pidgin hole, as it were.
When I’m asked this question, I’m immediately put into a tailspin….do I say where I was born, what nationality my passport is, where I’ve lived the past two years.
I often refer to the well known saying of Charles Darwin “It’s not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent. It is the one that is most adaptable to change.” These wise words resonate profoundly not only with me but also for my children, all having lived a life of movement.
My family is one of those who has always been on the move, never truly settling in one place, going back many generations. From both maternal and paternal great grandparents to my own children.
To be clear, my family’s story of movement is not the nomadic life out of necessity, like the devastating stories we hear about in the news of refugees fleeing their country of origin due to war, famine, racial and/or religious discrimination. No. My ancestors and descendants’ story is much less harrowing and is bound with one commonality: movement. We were fortunate to be born in lands full of choice, promise and freedom.
I was born into a life of movement with my parents moving to different countries around the world every few years due to my father’s work. On the one hand, I count myself lucky to have had this eye-opening yet nomadic life. By the time I was ready to leave home at 18 years of age, I had lived in eight different countries, on four different continents; The Americas, Europe, Africa and Asia. It gave me the unique opportunity to learn seven different languages, speaking four of them fluently, being introduced and immersed into different cultures other than the European mishmash of my own, gifting me with the space, mindset and privilege of being, or rather, the hope of being an open-minded global individual. The downside is the constant feeling of being outside the social circle norm. It can be lonely and often leaves me wanting to have a traditional sense of roots. And maybe there is that constant search for that place to call Home. A place where to belong.
My world roamings continued on into my twenties, adding two more onto the long list of “Places I’ve called Home”. When I met my husband, a fellow kindred traveller, but only since his late twenties, we continued the trend of movement that I had become used to and managed to add four more countries to the already expansive list.
Ever since my four children were born they have been swept into the same world as I was. Two of them were born in Italy, their paternal homeland, the other two in The Netherlands. They have lived on three continents themselves; Europe, Asia and America, and have also been fortunate to learn some languages along the way. They hold a passport of their father’s nationality, not mine. The reason for that is a long story which will be told another time.
There is a term that has been coined for these types of kids growing up in these situations. They are called Third-Culture-Kids (TCK).
My children are TCK’s. I am a TCK. My father and paternal grandparents were TCK’s.
One of the hallmarks of a Third Culture Kid is adaptability. I like to refer to this as their super power; their ability to change and adapt according to their surroundings. Not the chameleon-like transformations, but the ability to say goodbye to one set of friends, and embrace a new one, to adapt to different cultural nuances, habits, and language and so on, and to begin all over again in the next place that they will call Home.
Until the age of thirty-two I always lied about where I was from. The reason was that the truth always felt complicated and, simply put, it was easier. My usual response when asked was “London”. Due to the ten years I spent at boarding school in the UK I have a strong British accent so it seemed the logical response. That was until one day my four year old daughter at the time caught me in the lie. “But Mummy you’re not from London you’re from everywhere”. The person who I’d lied to looked at me quizzically, his eyes demanding an explanation. My beautiful and precocious little girl was of course right to call me out and since then my answer to this question is “I’m from all over”. This may sound pretentious to most but as time goes on I realize that if the person asking is looking for a quick answer they usually stop there. If they are genuinely interested and they have time, I’m very happy to oblige them with the details.
Nowadays, the world feels so much smaller with the ease of travel. People are more global in their views and with the web people have a much more knowledgeable perspective of the world outside of their own bubble. However people still ask that same “where are you from” question expecting a simple answer. I’ve always wondered why the broader question of “What’s your story?” hasn’t caught on more. This would give people like me and my children more space to answer truthfully.
This question has been particularly apt in our household the last few months. After having moved together as a unit of six for the past twenty-two years, this next move is different. A year ago my husband’s work situation changed unexpectedly and we had to make the decision to move again. Unfortunately the timing was not ideal. It came during a crucial time of our kids’ education; Our eldest was in his final year of college, our second in her third year in college, our third in his final year in high school and our baby in her second year of high school.
Although moving had always been in our family’s DNA, the reality of this next move was challenging. We prided ourselves in raising our kids in a global environment, to be multicultural, world travelers, to be comfortable with change. But moving as a split family was a whole new concept for us, no longer having the strength and comfort that our unit of six relied on. Were we ready for them to plunge into this nomadic world without us?
The feeling was unsettling. It prompted questions from all of us, but especially from the kids like “where will home be now?”, “how will home be Italy when I’m not even living there” Family discussions were full and emotional and hard. “Home is where the heart is” just didn’t cut it as the heart has been the six of us in the same place up until now. But like with everything in life, time moves on and realities change whether we like it or not.
From my own experience of a life of movement, I felt it crucial that my husband and I try to instill in the kids a sense of belonging to the family, not just to a place, but to a feeling. A feeling of love, unity and gathering, of home with friends and family they love or a place they choose to be. My husband started his new job in Italy in early January 2020. We had decided as a family that I would remain in the US with the kids so that our two high schoolers could finish out the year without too much disruption. Little did we know that the world would be hit by a pandemic six weeks later, resulting in us being separated from him for almost seven months. In order to keep a semblance of family unity, we face-timed everyday and every weekend we would zoom-cook together – due to the nine hour time difference, he would cook his evening meal, I would cook an early lunch. It was a challenging time for all of us, but we got through it by continuing our daily chats which helped maintain the strong unit that we were used to, despite being on opposite sides of the world.
As they grow into young adults and begin to have more of an awareness of how their lives differ from most of their peers, realizing the differences in their upbringing vs. a traditional upbringing, my hope is that they are able to see the positive attributes this way of life has brought to them and to see the type of humans they have become with good hearts and open minds able to face a challenge with courage and strength. Hopefully this will continue to serve them throughout their lives.
The six of us are now spread all over the world. Our eldest decided to stay in Oregon after he graduated from college. Our second is finishing her degree in California. Our third is starting his college path in Spain. My husband, our fourth and myself are in Italy where he is working for a local company there. Who knows where we will all end up? Judging by the constant moving we’ve done so far, I know that this town in Italy is not our last stop. Who knows where the kids will end up? Maybe they will feel the draw back to Europe, which would be such a blessing for us, but maybe they won’t and that’s alright because they are global citizens and the world is their oyster.
Hi,
Glad you are back. Enjoyed reading your story as I can so relate. My brother said that he was so sad for me that we were so split up during the pandemic. On three continents. It threw me for a second but then realized we have to work extra hard at keeping the family unit going, I’ve realized that I was more in touch with my kids than he was with his who he had under his roof. When we are together people are astonished how close we are, even though we have been apart for at least 7 years. We have given our kids amazing experiences but it doesn’t just happen. You and I, Sam, we’ve put the hard work to make our family unit work. That’s why we treasure it even more. Keep the post coming.
Totally agree with you. Families like ours have to work twice as hard than those living under the same roof or in the same town, to keep that unity alive. On top of it we don’t have extended family or relatives to depend on, so the meaning of Family has a much more intense; close, unified, tight.
A terrific piece of writing! It is a moving and thoroughly identifiable and accurate description of a global nomad. You have captured it all perfectly. It ticks all the boxes, the right words, sentences and tonality, the wandering, the multiculturalism, and the not having a home, yet one’s home being where one is at any one time.
Excellent, Sam!
Loved reading your post, Sam. So well written! It’s not easy to get that complicated story down. I’m grateful that your ‘movement’ brought you to Portland. Miss you so much!! ❤️❤️❤️
Thanks Nancy! I’m grateful too!
Sam, I loved reading this piece. I’m always curious as what it means — or how it feels — to be a nomad. The word “home” creates such a nostalgic longing in me, while I know well it has no roots in reality. Your writing makes me wonder why one experiences nostalgia rather than empowerment; you feel empowered and I feel nostalgic. There is no doubt that the experience of a nomad is different from a migrant or a refugee, but I do wonder how far our experiences and feelings will ricochet into the future. How will my daughter’s experience be different from your daughters? We might have summited the same mountain, but we sure have different stories to tell, and so would our daughters. I wish we could hear them talk one day! Missing you in Portland. XO
Golnaz, great to hear you enjoyed reading my latest piece. A little different from my previous posts.It would be fascinating to get each of our daughters’ perspectives a few years down the road, when they have had the chance to mature and experience life away from home. Take care and thanks for the support as always!
The more you travel, the more lives you touch and I know you have brought joy and friendship to many people . I hope you soon find the right place to put down the roots you have desired and that the family continues to benefit from being TCKs!
You would know!! You being a TCK yourself xx
BRILLIANT. xx
Sam – this was a wonderful post! Timely as well, as I had found myself thinking about you and your family just last week, wondering how you were doing and wondering where you were now. Please reach out, I would love to hear from you:) I think the boys are still in touch? I will have to ask Dodger.
Best Always!
Hi Andrea, so lovely to hear from you! So glad you liked my latest piece. Really appreciate the positive comments and support! It has taken me a while to get back into writing with all the changes that have happened these past 15 months. I’ll definitely be in touch.
Loved it Sam! You are such a talented writer–thank you for sharing!
Thanks so much Jill! Hope to see you this side of the pond sooooon!!
Hi Sam, so wonderful to read your newest entry! What a lovely reflection on your life and identity as a global soul. I miss you and always look forward to your writings!
Hi Jackie, glad you enjoyed my latest piece!Hope you are well in Pdx!
“But Mummy you’re not from London you’re from everywhere”. Amazing!!!
Welcome back Sam!
Grazie Silvio!! Un abbraccio forte
A terrific piece of writing, and a moving and thoroughly identifiable description of a global nomad. It ticks all the boxes, the tone, the wandering, the multiculturalism, the not having a permanent home. You captured it all beautifully. Great job, Samantha!
Hi Rosemarie, so glad you enjoyed my latest piece. Hope all is well. It’s been a while!
Nice Job Sam. Loved reading your piece.
Pas facile le déménagement sans prendre tous les enfants avec toi. J’imagine à peine. Moi j’ai quand même la sensation qu’ils voudront se rapprocher de l’Europe si vous y êtes 😉
Bravo et j’espère à très bientôt !!!
Je t’embrasse fort.
Salut Constance! Merci mille fois – Je suis super contente que tu as bien aimée! Oui, comme tu as aperçu dans l’écriture, on a du mal a s’habituer d’être aussi loin des trois grands….on verra ce qui se passe au future! Bises xx
This was heart warming to read. I love that you mentioned that “home is where the heart is” doesn’t cut it when up until now your families hearts have always been together. Look forward to hearing more about your families journey and adventures!
Thanks Isabella!
You are so eloquent and talented!!!!
Just love to read your words!
Xo Lisa
Please let’s catch up soon.
Call whenever you feel it.
Love you all xo
Sam, well written story about you and your family and what it means to be modern ‘nomads’. We are so happy that we have met you all on one of your ‘short stops’ on your global travels. Our friendship has been more or less intense, dependent on where you and your family were based, but was always strong and genuine. Look forward to meeting you, Paolo and the kids again soon, as soon as Covid allows. Keep writing.
Frank, so glad you enjoyed my latest piece. Thanks for the support. It means so much! Us too, we are delighted to know you, Mel and the girls and can’t wait to catch up with you all very soon!
I love this post so much! I know exactly what all these feelings are as I experience them almost every weekend throughout college. If I feel like i’m talking to someone that truly cares about my story, then I will tell them everything. If I don’t, i’ll simply tell them that i’m from Portland (which is so not true). The world is my oyster! WOO!!!
So enjoyed reading your article Sam!!!! So well written. I look forward to the next installment !! Miss seeing you on the courts !!
Hey Sam
Love love the piece – resonates so well with my family too! Both girls are now in uk and we have recently moved to Taiwan. Think it’s harder for them to think of Taipei as home as they have never really lived here with us. It’s more the shared experiences we have as a family that will keep us connected. Not the physical location. Each move has enriched all our lives in ways no words can ever express. I believe it has enabled both of them to weather through this pandemic with great resilience. Where will home ultimately be? Who knows. But that just makes embracing what the future holds rather than fearing it
Oh Sam so nice to read. I love and understand so much…..it is a questikn of Nomad spirit….when the wind is blowing is time to go…..I love this spirit and makes me feel alive. I could never imagine me in the same place for long. Go ahead with you project. SO MUCH TALENT
Thanks so much Rosmara! Siamo sorelle nomade!
Thank you Anna for introducing me to Sam’s blog. Sam, so much of what you say here has resonated with me; specifically the ‘belonging to a family, not a place’. My home is my family which means my home is all over the world: a complex notion for so many to understand, even me. Where am I from? I’m not entirely sure, but like you, I sound “Boarding School British”, so I roll with that! Sending you and your family/home masses of love from ours.
Tamsin, hi! I’ve just finished listening to you on ANTE15. You interview so well and yes, we have so much in common! Would love to meet up one day, when all the restrictions are over of course! So happy you enjoyed the piece. xx